Confession time: my guilty pleasure is reading internet advice columns. If there's one thing I binge-read constantly, it's that. And one thing that's come up recently with so many people going back to school is imposter syndrome, that is, the feeling that everyone around you is perfectly qualified and knows what they're doing and you--poor, sad you--just don't cut it. Apparently this is really common. At first, I read it and thought, hm, what an odd problem to have; I can't imagine what that feels like.
But oops. That's me. I definitely feel like that too. Everyone besides me in this program clearly knows what they're doing (and are obviously 100% confident all the time). I don't feel like I do. Therefore, everyone is better than me. A perfect reflection of reality, of course.
Luckily, this upswing of worries has come at a convenient time, right as we're doing the draft for our CV/resume and job description. Mine actually doesn't look too shabby; it looks right about where I'd expect it to look for someone in my circumstances, which is very encouraging.
It's also a reality check. It's easy to get caught in all the fears and doubts whispering in our ears (my personal favorite term for them is "brain weasels"), especially when starting something new. Those brain weasels can sometimes be very persistent, but usually, when we really look at things, they're just not true. It's hard to silence them and listen to reality, but totally necessary for mental health, at least for me. What about you? Have brain weasels ever kept you from doing something you wanted to do, and how have you dealt with them?
Don't worry Hannah. We all have those 'brain weasels' ferreting away! Self-doubt seems to be a condition of many of us, doesn't it? I'm juggling a busy family life and mid-week crisis as there is no time mid-week for reading or study as too busy teaching! I haven't compliled annotated C.V yet or job description but will start this weekend. Thinking on Portfolio as well collecting together past DVD's and links as well as newspaper articles, photos, etc. The AoL's seem to be snowballing out of control and it's getting silly now! Keep in touch if you need to chat! Jane
ReplyDeleteIt's so true! It feels so isolating, but it's ridiculously common. I'm just about to send in my own job description this evening and waiting on Helen to check with MDX about how my academic grad credits are going to transfer over. Sounds like you're right on track! A little jealous of your already present portfolio ;) I'm definitely not there yet!
DeleteI experienced that last week when I had to do my interview. Who am I to do an interview with such a successful choreographer and teacher? The teacher I am interviewing is so experienced, what is she going to think of me who is so unexperienced? Instead of focusing on what I know and being excited to share it with this teacher during my interview I was intimidated and denigrated myself. I could have gained a lot more from the interview without those brain weasels... Thank you for making me notice that!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it was useful! And you're so right--I too gain a lot more from my studies, from everything, if I just don't listen to the brain weasels. Easier said than done, I'm afraid though!
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